summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize