dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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