I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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