I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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