NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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