I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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