This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
