Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
