I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
