Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
