i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
