I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
