he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Houston, we have a squirter
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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