Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
