hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
