All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
