Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
