i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jerry, you need to find god
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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