You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
