He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
