he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
