You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
