Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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