Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
