my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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