dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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