Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
