I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
