He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
