you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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