can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
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And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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