whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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