Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
