im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I cockslap morals
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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