He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There are leaves in my underwear?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
