It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
