then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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