I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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