seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
