I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
