This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
