I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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