I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
