new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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