I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
