Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️