When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?