If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF