I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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