dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
