i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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