so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
