3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
