just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
