he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
