We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
