And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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