Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
