Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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