yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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