I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
