A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The adults are the big ones right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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