Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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