tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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