and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
