I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
