fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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