you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
