hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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