Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
