He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
