She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
