Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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