We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im part way to drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
