Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
