omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
